Pertunangan - Pre Wedding .

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.....

heee tak tau pulak macam mne nak mulakan eh . saat ni aku rasa mcm jantung nak keluar pun ada..
ingat tak lagi pada Mr Zack , yes ... hamba allah tu .

tak lama lagi aku bakal jadi tunang Mr Zack , okay mcm ni kita panggil die ZUL.
ya allah, bila sebut je nama Zul jantungku rasa macam dug dap dug dap . nervous ke aku ni atau takut? esh entahlah eh , mix up feeling kot .

beberapa perkara yang bermain dalam mindaku .

1. Aku Pendosa.

2. Allah terima aku ke ? Layak ke aku digelarkan tunang Md ZulFiqar *part ni rasa emotional sikit,tetiba je airmata nak mengalir* . bak kata pagi ni memang deep gile untuk aku .

3. Aku ni setaraf ke dgn Md Zulfiqar.

4. Mampu ke aku sayang Zulfiqar dengan keizinan allah .

..............................

after running errand i manage to have rest at abt 430am , pusing sana pusing sini tuptup da pukul 530AM my heart was racing mcm F1 leggit . prolly the crazy anxiety attack kot .

At that point of time , im like hyra you know what ? amik whuduk pergi solat subuh . Cari ketenangan . Setiap kali aku solat diri aku akan rasa tenang ,hilang semue nervous , hilang semue anxiety attack dan setiap kali berdoa atau sujud pada allah my tears flow rasa jantung sebak sangat .

Dalam fikiran aku cume ni je : Ya' allah ampunilah hambamu yang lemah ini , Ya allah kau tunjukku ke jalanmu, Ya' Allah bahagiakan diriku , ampunilah segala dosa2ku . one thousand times in my mind.... sebak sangat dada aku . my sins are just uncountable ....

i fear .
i fear death .
i fear i wont be able to be a good sister ,
i fear i wont be able to be a good daughter,
i fear i wont be able to be a good muslimah,
i fear i wont be able to be a good wife to my future husband.

Takot sangat .

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Yes, mungkin luar nmpak lain , tapi isi hati aku mungkin tak ramai yang tau sebab aku
sering diamkan diri dengan cara blogging somehow helps me in terms on letting go what in my mind and whats in my heart .

Yes, i lose my appetite . My tummy has been growling for the part few hours tapi nafsu makan tu mcam.... idk ? malas nak makan? tak selera? fikiran ? takot ? nervous ? entahlah.

lets just put a smile stay positive .

hyra what has got into you srsly woman ! its ur engagement day no sleep , harapkan macbook haprak yg da mcm pfttzcvz  blogging at this time .

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less than 12 hours aku akan digelarkan tunang md Zulfiqar,
seriously aku tkle tido langsung . mungkin terlelap 30min gitu den terjaga balik .

ya' allah kau mempermudahkan segala urusan kami ya'allah.
& if i am to fall in love , let me touch the heart to someone whose heart is attached to you .

Md Zulfiqar sayang ,

maafkan i sayang , i tak sempurna , i akan cuba memperbaiki diri i insyallah .
doakan i sayang . i sayang u sangat .

i wanna hold your hand and walk forever with you to the right path. ..

xx NORFAGHIRA xx

Updating je Bro

Assalamualaikum waramatullahi wabarakatu .

just updating .. Everything good now , alhamdullilah ala kulli hal .

Ada la jugak ujian yang allah beri tapi apa pun , hadapii dengan tabah insyallah dipermudahkan .

Business ? Alhamdulilah . Stocks running low still considering whether i should bring more stuff in , tryna liaise with my supplier . Tapi tengok la mcm mana .. sebab takot je kalau business ni dikendala, buat masa ni boleh la suruh farizah and fatin tolong check stocks but tu la ,  they have their errands too. Business ni bukan nya senang sngat payah jugak bhaii , especially when ure running a business on your own . Dilemma mode on, I'm in a situation where no one can be thrusted and anyone can backout with they own circumstances thats why , i choose to start where i last stop and build with my own feet. I'm just depending on my family help as of now. Dalam dunia ni tk boleh nak harapkan siapa2 da diri sendiri dengan keluarga je .

Future plans ? Register ACRA . Set up Nenuphars Blancs as main company name . Improvising on shawl material . Signature Heavy Chiffon 1.0 berkekalan inshallah. tu je yang diharapkan . Oh and yes Project Mademoiselle . Mademoiselle is a french language of a " Miss " or "My lady " or such in french language . HAHAHAA. Mademoiselle is my upcoming project of a combination of elegant jubah with the design of ala2 floral lacey2 inspired by french designer dresses . Design mesti la nak kene dgn nama kann . but ape2 pun taking one step at a time . takut pula tk menjadi .. budget nk kene ada jugak . Material Satin Lace kain floral .. banyak but most probably preorder kot under budget skit. Doakan semua nya berjalan dengan lancar ye .

Work ? Alhamdulilah okay jugak . its been 2 month since im promoted as Assistant Operation Supervisor .. alhamdulilah allah hadiahkan , something new , new challenge as well as a stepping stone for me .. its been 5 years service in IvicInternational so i guess its time to grow, rezki insyallah dipermudahkan . balik2 ivic hahahah , memang rezki aku kat sini . so stay. gaji ? okay la cukup2 makan jugak . Yang penting diberkati , bagi mak bapak rasa macam dikali ganda .

Family ? Everyone is getting busy Farizah in her N level now and my twins growing up tooo too fast. mom and dad? getting old . Bile type pasal family part ni yang emotional sikit ni . I feel blessed. Blessed at how i was taught by my parents, aku dibesarkan dengan cara mcm ni dengan rezki yang dilimpah-limpah oleh kerana cara didikkan mak dan bapak . Im a giving person because my mom is .
I care and concern about the elderly because my dad took care of my late grandmother. I just feel gifted that cara mak bapak aku didik aku and thank you allah for giving me an opportunity to open up to my parents again . Allah tu maha segalanya . dengan sekelip mata kekayaan boleh hilang itu la setiap manusia lupa bertapa hebatnya allah. I believe that everything come from him .. Rezki masing2 rajin2kan doa yang baik . do good deeds insyallah ... Tried and tested . alhamdulilah diberkati semuanya . i dint do this alone , my parents.. pernah tak dengar " Macam gitu mak/bapak, macam itu anak . " im blessed.. Just a good news to share with.. Take it as a lesson learn . Side note , bimbinglah anak2 dgn cara yang baik . & i know my parents selalu doakan anak2 nya :')

thats it for today mata da stonning . .

Selamat Malam Semue :)

Salam Sayang ,

Fayra Raffi

Failure again

I think i've failed as a sister .

Everytime my brother is rude i feel like punching him right in his face i cant speak to him at all. Setiap kali i rasa mcm nk pukul die i try to stop myself sebab i tk nk jadi the main causes of adik i buat keje2 taik . Im trying to prevent , tapi mcm2 blh jdi . Dulu yes i boleh pukul drg . But now i keep on telling myself sabar hyra sabar . The more i sabar hati i lagi sebak dgn cara die. My eyes get teary by every word thats cmg out frm his mouth .

He looks like hes brave enuff to kill anyone in the hse . He go beyond the line trying to overpower my ability as a sister .

I feel sad. I cant do anything . With my father condition no one is able to do anything. I tknk apa2 jdi kt my dad. I think cukup sudah die suffer kt rmh ni .

Im suppose to take care of this family, instead i feel like shit . Im trying real hard but i keep on failing . All this remark cmg frm my mother mouth , im trying to tepis2 whatever she said to make me feel better.

My second sister hving a r/s with that drug addict fcker and that fcker is friend with my brother . How am i gonna face everything mokhtar.

Im sorry i had to approach u and type this i just feel sad & idk wht to do . All i ever wanted was a peaceful family . And now my mom is telling that afterall she was acting to be happy and home whereas die sebenarnye wants to be alone . How am i gonna deal with all this. Im just praying that everything will ease . Im getting tired . My family saga keep going since i was 3yrs old n im 22 alr now.

insan yang lemah .

bismillah hirrahman nirrahim ....

 

assalamualaikum readers ,

 

its rather been quite sometimes since i last blog .

and here i am back again .. sadly , drowning as well .

 

Things always look amazing when you started to fall in love again isn't ?

But as day passes, kita lupa dengan apa yang kita ada dan kita sibuk sangat megejarkan apa yang kita inginkan.. Rather than being thankful of what we have rather than being happy than what was already given by Allah S.A.W .

 

Ni masaalah dunia kita .

 

We always wanted more .. Sering sangat nak tinggikan diri sendiri daripada'nya dan selalu nak above'nya ,

 

subhanallah..

 

how selfish can I be .

 

But manusia tak pernah lari dari kesilapan . Setiap kesilapan yang kita alami kita amik sebagai satu pelajaran .

 

Im starting to love myself before anyone. Cause I believe that I can be better than what I am I can be better than what I were . Single , Attached , Its Complicated , im gonna make it through .

 

Insy'allah with Allah by my side everything will go smoothly .

 

Mom and dad , im so sorry for disappointing you again .

Im sorry if i couldn't be the best . I'll try ..Faghira akan cuba sedaya upaya faghira kalau ada jodoh insyallah tak kemana . Tapi Faghira harap mak dan bapak tak menaru harapan sangat . Faghira tahu that the least that i can do for you after all the shit i make the both of you go through .

 

Im trying mom .

Im trying dad .

Im sorry , i'll make it better , i'll be tougher .

 

'kun fa ya kun ..

If it meant to be it will be, insyallah .

 

im not as holy as i am .

Im' a sinner .

 

ps: Berjaya atau tidak , itu bukan hak kita . Kuasa allah..

 

assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

 

 

 

hanya الله‎ ta'ala

20 Aug 1995 ,

The date to remember as i turn older every year .

And now i have turn 21. 

Time pass by when your'e having fun . 

but my "fun" was temporary over after things happen and jumble up my year

into sadness & emotional breakdown . 

Begitu beratnya allah mengujiku .

Begitu cepatnya orang yang kita pernah sayang berubah fikiran .

Feeling like I'm losing my personality . I just cant be myself around anyone .

Im not as social as i used to be . I used to be spontaneous but now prior speaking to someone 

that i am very close to. 

They think I'm psycho, yes i have friends but they left . 

EVERYONE LEFT ME .

They left when everything changes .

Astagfirullah , lemahnya dan rendahnya imanku ini ..

I lost concentration I lost my job i lost my hopes , I'm stuck . 

I wasted years of not listening to my parents, hack care them .

Priority other people more than my own blood .

This year 21st birthday was the day i finally got connected to myself . 

I took a pause asking myself what i really wanted and needed to be happy . 

Exploring what it would look like to be living a life i love . 

To be fully and completely rooted in my truth . and living my passion 

I set an intention to "Change my life" by listing of thing i believed i need to do and have. 

I became devoted to finding myself and building a new chapter .

Finally i realise that it was my family . 

It was my Family who stay , allah has answered to my mother prayers . 

Mak tak pernah putus berdoa untuk kebaikkan faghira i was being blinded 

all this while.. It pains me to see my mom tears rolling over after all the sacrifices that she has done 

for me since birth . 

How can i not see it ? 

MY FAMILY STAY! MY PARENTS SUPPORTED ME ! MY PARENTS PUSH ME TO STRIVE .

MY FAMILY GOT MY BACK .

My family have love me so much , my family was the one wiping my tears 

of during every sadness my family are the only one that will comfort me ...

Thank you for your support , those friends who stay and give me so much of love .

Especially to my big big family tree who constantly keeping a look out for me ..

Faghira mintak maaf mak , faghira tahu mak sentiasa doakan kebaikkan faghira , 

faghira mintak maaf kalau faghira pernah lukakan hati mak ..

Faghira sayang mak sangat ..

Insyallah , satu hari nanti kita ke tanah suci sama2 sekeluarga . 

Seperti apa yang mak impikan .

Ps : Setiap ujian dari allah pasti ada hikmahnya , semakin allah sayang , semakin kuat ujian buatnya.

hanya الله‎ ta'ala yang mengetahu 

kerna الله‎ ta'ala sentiasa bersamaku

make up enthu ? biar betul ...

 say hello to all my make up collection ..
Naked Urbay Decay make up brush set , Naked Eyeshadow ,
Lime Crime Lippy, LA girl , Pro Concealer , MeNow foundation ,
Kiss Beauty Contour Kit . All time favourite Banana Powder and 2 in 1 Sephora Highlight Concealer.
OH yeas i need more !!
weird , but I'm starting to love make up .
building up self confidence kot , hahahah
now i sound like a typical minah mlysia hekk


I bought the Black Velvet Lime Crime for farizah end up trying it and yes it loook great on me too ..
hehe guess we should borrow then lol XD

Feeling tutorial la as usual..
but lawa kan die black velvet lipstick dayumm
mind my lazy eyes da mcm makin rabak . TSK!

time to go to bed its getting late .

good nite :) mwa xx

new start

assalamualaikum reader , 

guess its time for a new headstart before i turn 21st . 

Realising all the people i love and cherish most decide to slowly move away 

from my life .

Sad but apa pon , tu keputusan Allah mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya . 

* one side kening ter-naik * 

but nevertheless my family got my back not to forget shobi who was there when 

everyone left and lastly allah . Who constantly on my mind :) 

Shobana , the indian pari who i met at work and!! angkong siao ,  who has a big 

heart and a great great single mother who is raising her son . *hats off * to her ..

Did i mention ?

She is also a good friend . We've been through a lot well not together but we literally 

share the same stories . she know whats going on with my life , so am i . 

Nobody appreciate us but we're being supportive towards each other aiming for our goals together .

I hope our friendship will last longer , less akwardness ..  hehe . see you soon shob .. mwa xx .. 

Its one day away from my 21st birthday . 

Mom and dad decide to buy me Victoria Secret Full Set hekhek . Well yea i did ask for it . 

Initially i wanted a gold bracelet for my 21st birthday eversince i had the gold necklace i just want more hahaha . But terikot kepada kemampuan la of course ...

So since , i couldn't ask more from my parents so i ask them for an Al Quraan with Rumi and Makna & also the Victoria Secret Full Set . 

Got the Victoria Secret Full Set as an advance birthday present but the Al Quraan probably belated, well they planning to invite a lot of my cousin for my 21st birthday i hope its not crowded . 

i just don't feel like doing a grand celebration . Family. Doa selamat simple okay la . But my parents insist so theres nothing much i can do . 

I dont fancy grand celebration . But my parents think 21st is the best year to have a grand celebration. 

Anyway, i know they are trying their best to make me happy and a memorable 21st birthday probably a little something for me to remember in the next 10/20 years something like a nostalgia .

I definitely remember 2016 as the most painful year of all . ALWAYS .

Nevertheless , kite doakan semuanya berjalan dgn lancar .. aminn~